Sweet Nothing
by sunnymadden
Summary: Frasier/Lilith piece with an honorable mention of Diane Chambers. A nasty dispute between the couple on the eve of Valentine's Day makes Lilith turn to her journal to sort out her feelings about her crumbling marriage. Chapter 2 is up. It's Frasier's journal confession to how he feels and reacts to that horrible night in '92. Now it is complete.
1. Chapter 1

Valentine's Day, 1992,

I know my marriage is over. A horrible thing to say or even think on this day that celebrates, or rather commercializes love and affection.

I have heard my clients tell me time and time again about how they had fallen out of the love at the notion of being together. I didn't think that could happen to me. I have always felt deep love for my husband. He was the only one who could break through to me and it was so exciting that someone "got it", to coin a phrase. I thought he felt the same way about me. Now I'm not so sure.

A lot of women I counsel believe that it happened after the baby is born. I know that is not true of Frasier and I. Sometimes I feel that the only thing that keeps us connected is the unconditional love we have for our son. Frederick has been the brightest star in the sky of our universe.

A lot of men say that their women don't display any interest in sex. I can only think of my own relationship when they say that and think of how those roles are reversed. I adore sex. Frasier used to adore having sex with me. All I had to do was hint with my clothes on and we would make a mad dash to the bedroom. Now I can walk into the bedroom completely nude except for a g-string and he won't even look at me.

This is how I know my marriage is over. I know this was cruel of me to do but I just wanted some kind of response from him. I had foolishly purchased a blonde bob wig at the beauty shop, in a similar cut and style to what Diane's hair looked like when I first met her back in '86. I went home, put on a simple polo and pencil skirt, and then the wig. I painted my eyes and lips pink with a touch of mascara. I noted how natural Diane's color schemes were when it came to make up. I finshed with a pair of simple high heels.

Frasier was in our bathroom taking a shower and I made sure "Diane" was at the door when he came out. He scremed and tripped over the tub rim when he saw me. I couldn't help but laugh; it looked hysterical. I laughed until I saw his face contort in a fit of rage that I had never seen before. He lunged at me; he threw my wig in the shower and ripped my shirt so my bare breasts were exposed. He then violently shook my shoulders and said something I will never forget:

"You are a cunt!"

Those words cut me like a knife. I would have thrown myself on the bed and cried but Frederick had started to cry. I said nothing to Frasier and I walked into the baby's room to soothe him.

"I'm going back to the bar," he said to me.

I just kept on cradling my son in my arms until I heard my husband's car roar down the road. Frederick had calmed down by that time so I tucked him back in bed. I went to bed myself and waited, watching the clock tick the hours away. He never came home. I have not seen him since. It's my time to leave the office and I hope to see him when I come home.


	2. Chapter 2

Valentine's Day, 1992,

I am no longer human. As of 9:15 last night, I, Dr. Frasier Crane, reduced myself to a piece of crap. Sure, I was mad at Lilith for that horrific prank, but I had no right to attack her the way I did. I can't believe I called my wife a cunt. Even behind her back, I never even called Diane that word. Sure, I have called Diane a bitch before but frankly that is nothing compared to cunt. So why did I allow myself to stoop so low as to call Lilith that horrible, deragatory word?

I guess I never really got over Diane. She had hurt me terribly and I went on a downward spiral into my own private hell. After mine and Lilith's altercation in the bathroom, I realized that every relationship I've had since Diane, some brief as they may, would always come back to her somehow. She has been a both a catalyst and a sad curse in my life. I went to straight to the bar because I knew Sam was the only one who understood what Diane Chambers could do to your psyche.

Of course I walked in there pretending like nothing was wrong. I wanted to wait to tell my dilema to Sam in private, so I stayed until nearly 2 in the morning when he was closing.

"Fras, what's wrong?" He finally asks me. "Even Norm went home. Why are you staying so late?"

"Lilith pretended to be Diane and I flipped," I finally confessed.

"Woah, man! Hey, I would give my woman a good talking to if she ever did that to me!"

His attempt at making jokes about it were not impressing me in the least.

"I attacked her and called her a cunt."

"Woah, man," he repeated.

"I know."

"Get out of my bar!"

I was flabbergasted.

"What?"

"Go home to Lilith right now before it's too late."

"I can't face her right now..."

"You have to. She'll leave if you don't."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Debra divorced me after I gave her a black eye in a drunken stupor right here in this very bar. Diane went to Goldenbrook after I slapped her face in an arguement. I"m telling you from expierience, Fras, if you don't go home now, you are giving her permission to walk away because she thinks you're letting her go."

I thanked him for his advice and told him I was going back home. I never did though, I checked into a near by hotel. Sam's words rung in my ears all night long but I just wasn't ready to face her yet. Besides, I know my Lilith. She will be there when I come home. We will have dinner, relax and hang out with Frederick, and have make up sex because that's what we're good at.


End file.
